The last few weeks have been HARD. I feel like things have been stirring, changing, difficult for a while now, but fairly recently have they really surfaced. I feel stuck, chaotic, sick. The Lord has revealed some pretty deep idols in my life. Things like control, the need to be productive & useful, the idol of what I WANT my parenting/life to look like. These are not easy things. They are normal things for what, I believe, most mothers deal with, but they are not things for me to just accept as normal & leave be. While I feel like I'm walking around in a total fog as every aspect of my life falls into complete chaos, I'm choosing to be thankful.
It's not easy. I would rather ignore the promptings from the Lord & just continue doing life MY way. But, I am thankful. Thankful that God is using this parenting thing to break me down, to chip away at idols & the control I feel like I need to have over my life. While I walk through this, I will continue to be faithful, cling to truth, call out to God & allow Him to change me. In the midst of the chaos that is so difficult for me, I will focus my thoughts & walk through the fog.
I'm not sure if any of this even makes a lick of sense. It honestly doesn't even make perfect sense in my fogged up mind. I just want to be real. I want to write down the hard things, because I know the faithfulness of the Lord & how sweet it is to be reminded of the past. So, instead of some cute pictures of my kiddos today, you get the raw real truth of my heart.
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."